(Amma Bhagavan) on 'Setting Right Relationships'
Sri Amma Bhagavan
(Kalki) Speaks - Messages by Sri Bhagavan
Question: One of the fundamental teachings of
the Dharma is to set right relationships. Exactly how
can we improve or set right our relationships?
Answer: It is essential for you to first understand that “Life is
relationships”. Now coming to your question how to improve relationships?
The problem of relationships cannot be solved through psychology. All effort
to understand the other person completely can never help. It is like peeling
an onion. As you go on peeling an onion nothing remains. Say, you are eating
khova (a south Indian sweet dish), you don’t try to understand, but just
experience the eating of khova. In the same way, you need to experience the
other person just as he or she is.
A husband trying to analyze or understand his wife will take him nowhere.
“Analysis leads to paralysis”. Everybody is constantly trying to understand,
analyse, judge others while struggling to change the other person.
Unfortunately, people fail to realize that this is impossible as all of you
are like computers who have been
programmed and hence have no free will of your own. Your past lives, birth
traumas, childhood, education, culture and all your conditionings are in
possession of you and your lives. Your life flows according to this
So, when you are trying to understand and change the other person; it is
only one programme trying to alter another programme. This game goes on from
birth to death. Supposing you are going to a movie everyday, hoping that
there will be a new ending, a new climax. Will it really change? All of you
are trying to change each other in the same way!
What you need to do is experience the other person fully.
When the husband returns home to find his wife screaming; he must experience
her like watching a movie or drinking a glass of juice. What happened? Why
it happened? Why is her nature that way cannot be really known. Remember, it
is like peeling an onion.
If you experience – life becomes Joy!
It does not matter what the event is. You have to only experience the
programme. Stop judging and being critical. When you experience the other
person, you would know exactly how to respond.
Abraham Lincoln was shot. Who is to be blamed? The person who shot, the
person who made the gun or the person who invented it or somebody else. No
person can really be blamed, for, a situation is dependent on so many
factors. It is not possible to pinpoint a single reason. If you look at The
Bible, it also tells us “Judge not least ye be judged”.
Unless something happens to the programme itself, say through Grace, nothing
can change. If the wife screams, experience it… is it possible? Thousands
have done it. It is simple and practical. If you experience people, your
heart flowers and synchronises with Earth’s heartbeat. My Grace flows and
your problems would be solved.
If you don’t set right your relationships, I really cannot help you to the
extent I want to help you. So start experiencing people and events.
So, all that you must now do, is to learn how to convert suffering to joy.
Once you do that I will send word for you. You must come to the Golden City
(Ashram at Varadhayapalem, South India). When I give you Diksha you become
fully enlightened. I have over 400 people who have achieved this state of
Enlightenment . You can go and see how they are living.